Disclosure!
I have not kept all my marriage vows.
Those who know me well will not be surprised and probably know which one I have broken already. In my defence, I tried my best to get out of it the night before the wedding, but our minister said it would require a special dispensation from the Bishop! So, there was no way but go through with it.
I did not want to OBEY. I think most of my female readers can understand that. When the time came to ‘love honour and …’, I crossed my fingers at the back (so it didn’t count!) as I repeated the word OBEY, said with a smile and very loudly by our minister.
I was reminded of all this as I watched two lovely, young people ‘pledge their troth’ (meaning, by the way, promising faithfulness) last week. Of course, ‘obey’ has long gone. But the rest, with allowance for some deviations, is more or less the same.
Anyway, I had plenty of reasons to reminisce as GG and I celebrated 35 years of marriage a few days later. I still love him and am still madly in love with him too. Of course, there are times when he drives me bonkers (as I do him, I imagine). The truth is that no marriage or relationship is perfect. And some just don’t work out, but that is another blog post.
Everybody has to work at their relationships…some harder than others. My daughters and some of my friends think my GG is a saint, but I remind them that when I married him he was far from perfect and what they see now is the result of years of training!
Anyway, for what it’s worth, here are my thoughts on the subject:
Like everything else (skincare, exercise, make-up), what works for me might be hell for you.
HINTS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE
1 Let’s get physical
If you still still enjoy an active sex life, that is wonderful and seemingly good for your general health too (who knew?), but if that does not work for you, hugging and kissing and holding hands and cuddling in front of the telly are equally important. Never let that go.
2 Laughter is the best medicine
Having a sense of humour and seeing the funny side of life is vital to get you through what life throws at you.
We tease each other all the time and because we don’t have real arguments very often, we tend to ‘mock argue’. Our girls, when young, used to get upset thinking we were really fighting.
3 Kindness
Being kind to each other goes a long way. Graham always makes me feel cherished with his words. Love can also be shown in the little things you do. GG makes me hot water with lemon and ginger and brings it to me in bed every morning. (It could be because he wants to watch SKY Sports in peace!)
4 Don’t hold grudges
Having seen what holding grudges and being stubborn can do to relationships, we always let bygones be bygones. If Graham ever annoyed me, I always tried to get some exercise, so it could have been a walk with a friend willing to let me do all the talking, or bashing the hell out of a ball on the tennis court. It never failed – I returned ready to sort out our differences or willing to forget it all.
5 Try not to go to sleep on an argument
In the early years when we had a disagreement, Graham would fall asleep and I would lie there upset. Eventually, following much shuffling and turning and a few inadvertent kicks, he would wake up and say he was sorry! And we would make up!! I did apologise too when I was at fault (not as often, naturally!) and wake him up. He was always the one sleeping, though.
6 Having similar and different interests
It is good to enjoy some common hobbies, but it is equally important to have different interests. Graham refuses to play bridge, for instance, while I have no interest in sailing. Now that we are both retired, it means we have time out away from each other and plenty to chat about when together.
7 Talk it through
In any relationship, being honest about your feelings is very important. Talking is king.
8 Cherish the small things
We too promised ‘To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death us do part.”
No one gets through life, let alone marriage, without problems or curve balls. We have had our share of them, (all of the above), but we always tried to find something to appreciate and enjoy in every day. And remember why you fell in love. That is the real secret.
Congratulations to you and GG! Having just hit the 37 year mark, earlier this month, I completely agree!
Janet ..aren’t we blessed? Thankyou so much for taking the time to comment.
You two are darling !! Congrats onn 35 ! Great tips and it def takes two to ride out the issues and work hard together
Val thanks a mill. A sense of humour helps ..thank you for commenting..x
This is mine and my husband second marriage and we laugh because the issues we had in our first marriages, are non starters now. We lived (loved) and we learned.
Yes often we don’t have the skills when we are young..but it is great to get a second chance at love..all for it..I wrote a post about that over a year ago… Thank you for commenting..I really appreciate it.
All true Hilda, really they are rules to live by. Not to say they are always easy but definitely worth the effort. Happy Anniversary to you and GG, neither of you seem to have changed since your wedding photo.
Ah Jan thanks …lots more wrinkles …but all is good. x
A lovely post Hilda. We don’t see enough guidance on how to make marriage work. When I was a young reporter, old couples always said “give and take” when I asked for the secret of their long marriage. It’s very true- I think a lot of marriages founder because neither side will compromise.
Gail
Thanks Gail..as I said we have had our problems ..money, health issues, and one child who would not sleep..but we got through it…and it is lovely to enjoy life now as we age..
Congratulations on a wonderful lifetime together. May it just keep getting better! I think you’ve hit on all the best points of marriage.
Thanks so much for commenting Rosemary.When it is good it is great…we are lucky x
Sweet! Happy Anniversary you two
Thanks Diane
Well done you two….lovely pic also!!
You guys are exceptionally close as a couple….you may not know this Hilda but Graham mentions your name at least once every 30 minutes when you are not around.
Ah thanks Des…He is a real sweetie…going to tease him…
Thanks for sharing this lovely post Hilda. My husband and I have been married for 36 years and I’m terrribly proud of that. Youngsters nowadays seem to chuck the towel in so quickly and miss the whole point of working hard to build something that’s worth holding on to. Like you, we’re had our ups and downs, but it’s been really unforgettable because of that.
I’m looking forward to seeing you in our 5Over50 challenge in September!
Anna x
Thanks Anna and well done you on your 36 years. Yes working on my challenge now…
Lovely to see your blog today, Hilda, for the first time! 🙂
( I see Annabelle and Myrtle already know about it.)
Hope you’re enjoying the bank holiday.
Cheers
Ah Thanks Sarah..hope you are keeping well.
I am having fun with it.
Thanks Sarah.. hope you keep following. xx
I wanted to say a big (belated) congrats to you both on your 35 years of marriage. That is some commitment.
The Mr and I have been together 31 years and celebrated our silver wedding earlier this year. All of your points resonated with me and I think if I was to list my tips for a good marriage they would be identical to yours, Hilda. We too have been through a lot together good and bad but I wouldn’t want my journey to be with anyone else.
Here’s to your next milestone xo
Ah thanks Sharon. It takes work but it is worth it. I am so grateful to have so many years and hope for many more. Congrats to you too.xxx
This is a lovely feature Hilda, full of good advice. Congratulations, by the way, on your 35 years together – my hubby and I are just coming up to our 36th wedding anniversary and can’t believe how quickly it’s gone – I bet you are the same. You must have been a bit of a rebel to question the Obey all those years ago. Go girl!
Anna x
Thanks Anna and congrats to you too. x