Foot in Mouth?

It is just as well that GG (aka Gorgeous Graham) doesn’t have a foot fetish, because my feet are sadly lacking in the beauty stakes. Do any of you remember the photos published in papers way back in 1992 of Sarah Ferguson having her toes sucked by her lover? It caused a bit of a stir at the time. I have no wish to have my toes sucked (it’s not one of my erogenous zones) but I would like to have prettier feet.

You see when I was a ‘young wan’ I wore ridiculously high heels… six-inch platforms, in fact. I only recently parted with this much-loved pair.

I was an average five foot five (now five foot four and a half) so loved the extra height. I squeezed my feet into size five stilettos with pointy toes for years. Whatever the fashion in shoes, I wore them and now my feet show the results of this torture.

I have bunions! Those of you who suffer with them can empathise, I am sure.

For those of you who don’t know, a bunion is a bony bump that forms on the joint at the base of your big toe. It forms when your big toe pushes against your next toe, forcing the joint of your big toe to get bigger and stick out.

Wearing tight, narrow shoes might cause bunions or might make them worse. They can also develop as a result of an inherited structural defect, stress on your foot or a medical condition, such as arthritis.

I am lucky in that mine are not painful, (probably because I eat lots of anti-inflammatory foods) but I do have problems finding comfortable, yet attractive shoes, particularly sandals.

You see, the straps have to be wide enough to hide the bunions and give the appearance of perfect feet. Last year, I found a pair that was perfect in Clarks and wore them to a wedding in Malta. I noticed that they have exactly the same style, in different colours  (cream, tan and black) in stock this year. The other plus is the cushioning under the ball of the foot. “I could have danced all night”. In fact, I did!

It is easier to find comfortable and attractive “sensible” shoes now. But I need cushioning even with flats and I have found most of my recent purchases are from Clarks Shoes. And, of course, they are very reasonably priced also. The sandals above are 65 euro. So, is there a cure for bunions? Sadly any of the over-the-counter remedies like toe separators have not worked for me.

I am reluctant to have surgery (my research leads me to believe that it is very painful, recovery is slow and the procedure is not always successful) but have had some success with laser. Dr Pat Leahy of The Laser Centre in Dublin’s Hume Street has reduced the bunion on my left foot by 50%, but the more enlarged bunion on my right foot only by about 30%. I have had these for about twenty years, so am pleased with any improvement.

Of course, it would have been better never to have got them in the first place. So if you have delectable feet and suckable toes, look after them. As for me (with apologies to the poet Pam Ayres)…I WISH I HAD LOOKED AFTER MY FEET!