Jennifer Halliday is fierce. Jennifer is angry. Last week, I shared Marie Carberry’s story HERE; this week, you can read how the disease Alzheimer’s impacts family members, but Jennifer is angry about more than that. I dare you not to be moved by what she has to say and if you feel strongly about it, comment and share.
I take the familiar route down the N11 to Wicklow town where my brother lives. He is pleased to see me, he still knows who I am. We get into the car and I have to show him how to put on the seatbelt. As we drive, I’m playing a 60s’ CD which delights him, we sing along to Blue Suede Shoes. Normal conversation is impossible.
We go for a walk along the seafront. As we meander along, he approaches several other walkers and introduces himself to them and tells them where he lives. They react with varying degrees of surprise and then it dawns on them. In the café, he lifts the spoon and says “What do I do with this?” He asks for a glass of water which he then pours into what’s left of his coffee. I try valiantly to make conversation about the weather and suchlike, and to make him feel his responses are appropriate and that his contributions are valuable.
We return home. The kitchen is still festooned with notices now redundant such as “Do not put saucepans in the microwave.” His wife is delayed so I put on the Fawlty Towers DVD he watches all day long on a loop. I put on my coat. He says, “Please don’t leave me alone”, so I stay another few minutes till his wife returns. Feelings of anger and grief overwhelm me as I drive back home.
My older brother, how I adored him and looked up to him when we were teenagers. What fun we had together. He taught me to drive, but more importantly he taught me to jive. He let me tag along everywhere with his friends. Although he spent many years abroad, our close relationship continued throughout our lives, documented for some of the years by little bundles of blue airmail letters.
The news that he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s was the biggest blow life has ever thrown at me. Over the past four years, the person I love so much has gradually disappeared and spending time with him has become increasingly stressful. The in-jokes we always shared now fall on deaf ears. I try to be jolly when we are together but my heart is breaking inside.
And now I am to be deprived of him altogether because he is going to a home in a far-off country where healthcare is affordable. I will speak to him on the phone but I may never get to hug him again.
Thank you to Jennifer for sharing her story. I have no personal experiences with Alzheimer’s, yet I was able to ecperience a brief moment of pain and grief after reading her blogpost.
A FAR OFF COUNTRY???
The wife is putting him there………………???
I was lucky my MOTHER kept it all together……….I have a feeling I willNOT!
I’m already forgetting THINGS………..
XXX
No ..it is all about affordable health care. His wife is taking him back to where she was born and where they lived for a while, because they can afford the help there…South Africa.
My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your pain and that this is happening to your brother and you Jennifer.
I help take care of my 86 year old Dad who has Parkinson’s and Parkinson’s dementia and that is difficult enough. Somehow it seems even worse to have it happen to a sibling. I don’t know what to offer in words other than be strong and keep those good memories alive of how you admired him so ❤️
Thank you Patti. xx
Mrs Halliday was a super German teacher – sending her lots of strength and courage during this tough time. Heart wrenching read.
Thanks Olivia. I will tell Jenny to look at the comments.
This is a tough read. ….can’t imagine how difficult it is to see your sibling in this position…..and then he has to move so far away to get better care makes it worse. Please tell Mrs Halliday that I’m thinking of her and sending love.
Thanks Janet. She will look at these comments when she is back from the west. No internet there!!! I really appreciate you taking the time to comment.
Oh such a sad, familiar to many story. What a strong lady, but she has no choice really. Thanks for sharing this story Hilda. Jacqui
http://www.mummabstylish.com
Thanks Jacqui.
I am based in London and my mum has dementia and is in a wonderful nursing home in the Midlands over in Ireland. Every time I go to visit her, she seems to have deteriorated even more. I find it heart breaking. Mum was so full of fun and life and now she just ‘drifts off’ and it is increasingly difficult to have a conversation with her. My dad coped for as long as he could but he began to feel unwell himself, so he had no choice but to put her into a nursing home. She seems very happy there and I know that she is happy. It is difficult for the people who knew that person, before they developed dementia. Even if I lived over in Ireland, I know I would not be able to take care of her myself……my heart goes out to the family of that man.
Mia thank you for commenting and sharing your story too xxx
Incredibly frustrating and sad for Jenny. All the more so that he has to leave Ireland for affordable healthcare. An added stress on an already heartbroken family. Thoughts and best wishes to her and the family.
Hi Lisa… thank you for commenting…I know Jenny appreciates it.
I just found these comments now, and I must thank you all for taking the time to read my post and leave me these words of consolation. Yes, it is South Africa, which is a very long way away, but there really was no other option available to my South African sister-in-law who has been caring for him heroically at home here for the last few years. I know he is being well looked after there, he receives lots of visits from his very kind in-laws and we talk regularly on the phone. I still feel very sad but less angry; one finally becomes resigned to situations which can’t be changed. Thanks again for your comments, and a big thank you to Hilda who encouraged me to write about my experience and share my emotions.